RAJPAL ABEYNAYAKE writes …
Everybody likes Hans Wijesuriya. What’s there not to like? He established Dialog in Sri Lanka. That’s like saying he established the Kelani and Mahaweli gangas combined. Or it is akin to holding him responsible for the Sinhala language or something as elemental to Sri Lankan existence like that. Even Tamil for that matter.
Before I have a ton of language and culture purists descend on me for saying this just let me say, though all this was by way of hyperbole, Hans is a brand. He established the most recognized brand and then became a brand in his own right.
So Hans, the kokatah thailaya. He is the ointment for every ailment. If there is a problem, Hansi korannne. You can basically Hansi Koranne — rest the problem — with Hans.
Doesn’t Sri Lanka have any other talent? Of course there is. But no other talent is respected. In fact all other talent is shunted out, and told to bolt.
But Hans is THE talent. He is the shiniest thing. He is the flavour of the season, the next season and the next, and the next and even the very next. All other flavours are anathema.
If you have the same managerial or similar talent as Hans you have as about a chance as a snowball in hell in helping the nation, and easing the way to our economic recovery.
They just don’t trust anyone except Hans. Maybe if you establish a big brand that’s like a local monopoly, you come with that attribute baked in.
Apparently some big wigs met at a cocktail party recently and there was Hans and there were one or two other gentlemen and ladies who had excellent managerial chops. Plenty of other chops too, and when I say, real chops, not kung-fu chops.
Someone suggested to a Minister in attendance, you should appoint Mr T. here to revamp our transportation sector. His experience is extensive. He has been recognized globally.
The minister glances at other ministers. They all politely clap for Mr. T. They say we admire him — and even bow, a cross between a typical Korean and Japanese bow, like a bow and a wow.
Then another talkative mover and shaker suggests , ‘well when can we announce that he — T — has been appointed to head the transportation sector?’.
No for that sector we have Hans in mind comes the pat repartee. “We want to Hansi korranne the problem,” says the worthy, and grins. Only Hans can Hansi korranne a problem. The others, they can go and ______ themselves for all we care, and fly two kites.
And why stop at transportation?
If the Ceylon Electricity Board is having another fit and the grid is operating on a wing and a prayer, dial Dr. Hans. Hans is the maaans. When the energy economy slows down and the Pelwatte pundits find a “lack of integration between our main economic sectors,” do they look for an engineer who actually knows his way around a turbine? Kuti kuti, no. The Cabinet meets, a solemn resolution is passed, and they appoint an Expert Committee on the Development of the Energy Economy with none other than Hans as the Chairman. Because obviously, if you can keep a few thousand Dialog cell towers buzzing from Jaffna to Dondra Head, managing the entire national power grid and fixing the fuel supply is just child’s play. Maybe you can tell Jesus to go and fly a kite too while you are at it.
He is already our Chief Presidential Advisor on the Digital Economy, directing the grand AI-first transformation from the heights of the Presidential Secretariat. We used to have the kopi kade for village gossip; now we have a national committee for every conceivable crisis, and Hans has to sit in the big chair of every single one. If a pipeline bursts, if a coconut falls, or if the monsoon is late and the amuna runs dry — just call Hans. Hane hane Hans. Oyatath giya Kala!
The rest of our local professional talent can go fly two kites down at Galle Face. They can sit on the benches, and watch Hans the hotshot. They spot the single, solitary corporate face they trust and nod in rhythmic atta boy style synchronization. Why bother with the whole administrative setup or a public service commission when you can just automate the entire governance architecture of the Democratic Socialist Republic into a single speed-dial button, and Hansi koranne the entire nation?